


Beep Beep

by Fixy



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Cute, F/F, Fluffy, Meet-Cute, and we love them anyway, beep beep, eve swears like a sailor, it’s cute okay trust me it’s just silly and sweet, rated t honestly just because of the effs and jeffs, starring Basil and marigold, this is a Tesco fic, villanelle is the ultimate bellend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:48:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24897958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fixy/pseuds/Fixy
Summary: Once upon a time, someone tweeted - ‘I’m in a Walmart parking lot watching a woman who can’t remember where she parked. Every time she holds her remote in the air, I honk my horn.’Eve loses her car.
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 100
Kudos: 646





	Beep Beep

**Author's Note:**

  * For [songforeverystory](https://archiveofourown.org/users/songforeverystory/gifts), [yotoob](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yotoob/gifts).



> Heyoooo I bashed this out in a couple hours based on a tweet my friend song4everystory found on reddit. Yeeheck! This is very very silly.

“Where the fucking fuck-”

Eve struggles to swap the bags in her right hand to her left, already clutching the straps of a full Tesco ‘bag for life’ carrier in that hand. She fumbles in her pocket for her keys. 

“Where did I-” she says to herself, scanning the car park with narrowed eyes, “seriously where the fuck did I park, what the fuck.”

She wishes that this was the first time this has happened. 

But it’s not. 

She is terrible. 

“Which section-” Eve continues to mumble under her breath, “was it- hey, asshole, watch it!”

The man who bumped into her from behind shoots her a glare over his shoulder. 

“Don’t block the bloody exit!” He shouts back as he walks away. 

“Dick.” Eve mutters. 

She steps away from the massive store towards the edge of the car park, still scanning for her tiny silver car amongst a sea of… tiny silver cars. When she hits the start of the road she stops and turns, staring up at the building. 

“Okay so when I walked in…” she darts her eyes between the two entrances, “I came from… this direction? Which… which door did I-”

She blinks. 

“Fuck!”

An old woman walking past widens her eyes in shock. 

“Sorry,” Eve says, attempting an apologetic smile. The woman tuts and walks off. 

Two Tesco enemies seems like enough for the day, so she walks fully into the car park. 

This is typical, honestly. She always does shit like this. Always in a rush, always focusing on the next thing, then the next then the next then the next, never taking a moment to think about the  _ now _ . 

The  _ now _ being where she parks her  _ fucking car _ . 

She lifts her key fob in the air and clicks, hoping desperately for that flash of light and the honk of the horn. 

Nothing. 

Sighing, she continues down this row and moves to one two rows over. 

She tries again. 

Nothing. 

“Fuck me.” Eve groans, lugging the bags that are absolutely getting heavier with each step, god damn it. 

Another two rows over, but this time-

_ BEEP _

Her horn. It blares somewhere, somewhere in the area, and Eve spins on the spot to look.

She can’t see it. 

Hurriedly, she walks along the row, peering around, pointing her fob like a weapon. It doesn’t do anything when she holds it at normal height, so she lifts it again and presses. 

_ BEEP _

Fuck, what the fuck!

It’s here, it’s fucking here somewhere, nestled in between these massive cars that no one should be driving solo, especially not to Tesco unless it contains an entire family, but Eve reckons that isn’t the case and these are just rich assholes taking up the whole damn road with their fuck off big cars and-

She presses the fob again. 

_ BEEP _

She spins. Stops. Spins. Cranes her neck. 

There are silver cars, but not  _ her _ silver car. 

She reaches the end of the row, lifts the fob. 

_ BEEP _

She heads into the next row, gets three cars down, holds up the fob. 

_ BEEP _

Okay, definitely louder now, it’s probably in this row.

Eve is regretting buying two tubs of ice cream, her arm is definitely about to break off. She moves one bag back to her right hand then lets it slide to the crook of her elbow. Better, but still awful.

Keys in the air. 

_ BEEP _

That was  _ loud _ . 

Her car sounds like it’s right there but it’s not, it’s not right there, it’s nowhere, it has fallen through the tarmac and through space and time itself, it has  _ disappeared through the layers of the universe _ and is sat in some alternate one while she walks around in this god forsaken Tesco car park looking for the  _ fucking portal her car has been sucked through _ . 

A car slowly starts to pull out of its spot in front of her so she waits for it, glancing briefly at the blonde woman behind the wheel before shifting the bags in her hands yet again, wincing at the stinging dents left by the straps in her palm. 

She tries her fob again. 

Nothing. 

Eve swallows down the urge to scream, but just barely. 

She presses the fob button continuously as she walks down the row and into the next one, and still, nothing. 

“What the fuck!” She whines angrily, stomping her foot like a child with a lost toy because honestly, that is literally what she is right now. An angry, tired child with melting ice cream and a  _ lost fucking car.  _

She takes a deep breath. 

She’s 45! A grown up! She can handle a temporarily misplaced car and the tension that brings. Of course she can. 

She lifts her keys. 

_ BEEP _

“I’ve got you.” Eve mumbles victoriously, storming down the row, ignoring the fact that she might be insane now. She presses it again. 

_ BEEP _

And again. 

_ BEEP _

And again. 

_ BEEP _

There. To her left. 

She turns, stares at a car, black and shiny and clean with a woman behind the wheel. A woman grinning at her?

Wait-

Eve slowly raises the fob and presses. 

BEEP

The woman leans on the horn before breaking out into laughter, silenced by her own car windows. 

“Are you  _ fucking _ kidding me!” 

Eve marches towards the driver’s side and sees the blonde woman from before, the one who pulled out of a space in the last row, doubled over in sheer delight. 

“Hey!” Eve slams a fist on the window a few times. “Open up, jackass!”

The woman sits up straighter as her laughter dies down, but her shoulders still shake. She rolls down the window. 

“Can I help you?” She asks in an accented voice, still thick with mirth. 

“Uh, yeah,” Eve snaps, “you can help by not being a fucking dick? I’ve just spent ten minutes trying to find my car, following your  _ fucking _ horn!”

“Sorry, I’m sorry,” the woman,  _ still giggling _ , says, “you just looked so cute with all of your bags and your hair, waving your key around.”

“My hair? What-” Eve, “no, whatever, this isn’t cute, this is carrying ice cream in a hot car park in the middle of June while some complete ass leads me on a wild horn chase! Fuck you.”

With one final, admittedly painful, punch to the woman’s door, Eve turns on her heel and storms off. 

“Wait!” A voice calls behind her. “Wait, I’m sorry, let me help.”

“I don’t want your help.” Eve shouts without turning around. 

“But you need it!” A car door slams and the lock sounds with a blip. 

“Piss off.” Eve calls, still walking away. 

It’s quiet for a few blissful seconds as Eve leaves, until-

“Hey.”

“ _ Jesus _ !” 

The voice right by her ear makes her jump, dropping one of the bags.

“Oh for- great, thank you, you truly are helping.” Eve crouches down to grab the tins threatening to roll away, but the blonde reaches them first. She grabs them all and quickly slides them inside the bag then straightens, still holding it.

“I’ll carry this one.” The woman says. “Let me take one of the others too.”

“No!” Eve yells. “Give me back my beans!”

“No, I’m helping.” The woman shrugs. “You cannot stop me, just give up. I am very persistent. What does your car look like?”

Eve gapes for a second at the sheer  _ audacity _ , then closes her mouth and walks away. 

The woman falls into step beside her. 

“Is it red?”

“No.”

“Green?”

“No, go away.”

“Blue, then.”

“Look you can keep the beans, just leave.”

“Silver?”

“Yes. Oh-” Eve slaps her now free hand to her forehead. “My god. You really are not going to leave me alone, are you.”

“Nope.” The woman says casually. “So, silver? What kind?”

“Skoda Yeti.”

“Ew.”

“Really?” Eve deadpans. “You’re going to insult my car? After all that? Not all of us can afford a Mercedes.”

“Yes, but… aren’t they the weird box cars? What about a Renault Clio or something?”

“Because this has great boot space! I can fit a whole surfboard down the middle- you know what, I don’t need to explain myself to a stranger.”

“Villanelle.”

“What?”

A hand on her arm stops Eve walking. 

“I’m Villanelle, nice to meet you. Now we are no longer strangers.”

Eve takes in the woman for the first time. Straight blonde hair, wide set hazel eyes, moles and freckles dotted across smooth skin. She’s smiling widely at Eve, clearly still amused by everything happening. Damn it, she’s gorgeous. Figures. 

Eve catches this Villanelle’s gaze darting over her hair before she sets off walking again. 

Villanelle follows immediately. 

“Now is the part where you tell me your name.”

“No.”

“Oh come on, are you still mad?” Villanelle asks, by Eve’s side again. “What is it? Rebecca? Jen?”

Eve says nothing. 

“Hm, something slightly different maybe. Faith? Renée?”

Eve says nothing. 

“Dawn?”

Eve stops walking again and takes a deep breath. 

“It’s Eve.” She tells the blonde. “Fuck, you ask a lot of questions.”

“Eve,” she repeats, “I like that. I was close then!”

“No you weren’t.”

“I was!” She insists. “I said Dawn, didn’t I?”

“I-” Eve starts, but the woman does have a point, “okay yeah, you were close.”

Eve almost laughs when the woman hisses a quiet ‘yesss’ beside her. The more her anger recedes, the more she warms up to this random woman. Only a little, though. 

“So, where are you from?”

The blonde really is persistent. 

Eve shifts her bags again. 

“England, look could you actually take one of these after all?”

“Of course!” The woman immediately plucks one of the bags from Eve’s hands. “England? But your accent-”

“Born here, grew up in America.” Eve reels off the standard answer. “And yourself? You sound Eastern European.”

“Russia.” Villanelle replies. “Cold. Boring. Here is better.”

“You live here then?”

“In London,” the woman nods, “I like how busy it is, but only half an hour on a train takes you to the countryside. It’s nice.”

“I guess…” Eve trails off. 

They walk in almost companionable silence for a moment. 

“I am sorry for the beeping.”

Eve glances to the side and sees that Villanelle does indeed look kind of sorry, the corners of her mouth down turned.

“It’s fine.” Eve says with a small shrug, realising she means it. “I guess it would have been funny if I saw it happen to someone else.”

“I just wanted to get your attention.” 

“Mine? Why?” Eve asks with a laugh. 

The blonde scoffs and throws Eve a look. 

“Seriously? Look at you.”

Eve looks down at herself. Light blue shirt, jeans, old trainers, a sweater tied around her waist. 

“You felt sorry for me?”

Villanelle laughs. 

“Oh dear.” She chuckles. 

“What? Eve asks, starting to laugh along while having no idea why. “Why are you laughing?”

“It is nothing, I’m sorry.” Villanelle smiles. “Anyway, why have you bought so much ice cream? Does your, ah, family like it?”

Eve glances at the woman curiously. 

It seems like a… leading question. 

Villanelle’s quick searching gaze, slightly hopeful, only solidified that for Eve. 

Is she… is this woman flirting?

“No, I live alone.” Eve says slowly, trying to measure the blonde up. “I like homemade milkshakes.” 

That little fact seems to delight Villanelle. 

“Me too!” She says excitedly. “Chocolate is the best.”

“Absolutely.” Eve nods, warming up even further. “So, uh, what about you?”

“What about me?”

“What were you shopping for? Stuff for…  _ your _ family?”

Oh good lord it’s poor, it’s such a poor attempt at digging Eve feels herself start to cringe, but the blonde flashes her a knowing smirk that stops Eve from crumpling. 

“Just me.” Villanelle says. “I was buying champagne.”

“That’s it?” Eve asks. “That’s… all you bought?”

“And prosciutto.”

“Of course, duh.” Eve starts laughing again.

They walk quietly again, wandering down random rows of cars in the warm sun before Villanelle suddenly stops. 

Eve looks at her carefully, noting the loose pink tee, the rosy lips, the blonde hair swaying softly with her movements. 

“You’re not as bad as I first thought.” Eve tells her with a tilt of her head. “Even though you’re an asshole.”

“Still?” The blonde grins, leaning against the car next to them. “Did me carrying your shopping not charm you out of that mood?”

“Nothing charms me.” Eve scoffs good naturedly. 

Villanelle's smile is coy. 

“You sure about that?”

Eve gapes for a second before swallowing. 

“Mostly.” She says. “Although I’m… maybe starting to… reconsider.”

The blonde nods. 

“Good.”

“Good?”

“Good.” Villanelle confirms. “Good for me, anyway.”

Eve’s breath hitches. 

Definitely flirting. 

This gorgeous woman is flirting with Eve. 

What… is the protocol here. She- what is she supposed to do with her arms or face. 

She blinks. 

Nice. 

“And why is it good for you?” Eve manages to ask with an  _ almost _ smooth voice. 

“Because I was hoping to charm you out of your number.”

“Hm,” Eve hums, trying to control her smile, “but I need it.”

Villanelle pouts and now Eve does smile. 

“Okay. Eve?” Villanelle pushes off the car and takes a step closer towards her. “Please can I have your phone number? I would like to call you. Take you out for a drink sometime.”

“Will you pick me up in your Mercedes?” Eve smirks. 

“This is London,” Villanelle says with a grin, “we can just get an Uber.”

“I’m not going anywhere unless you pick me up in the Mercedes.”

Villanelle laughs, eyes bright as she traces the shape of Eve with her gaze. 

“Fine. Mercedes it is.”

Eve looks down at her feet, overcome with shyness for a moment before sliding her phone from her pocket and opening her contacts. 

“Here, put your number in.”

Villanelle types it in then hands it back to Eve, who quickly sends a text to the number. Villanelle looks at her own phone, and laughs. 

“‘Beep beep’?” She grins at Eve. “You are something, Eve.”

The compliment, because she’s taking it as a compliment, obviously, flutters in her chest. 

“Are you still gonna help me find my car?” 

Villanelle tilts her head. 

“Is this not it?”

She indicates the car behind her with her thumb, the one she’d been leaning against. 

“Oh my god, my car!” Eve cheers. She rushes over and hugs the back of it. “Basil, baby, I’m back.”

“Basil?” Villanelle snorts. “You called your car Basil?”

“Well, what’s  _ yours _ called?” Eve asks. 

Shifting one shoulder in a shrug, Villanelle looks away from Eve. 

“Marigold.”

“ _ Marigold _ .” Eve laughs. “Cute. Basil and Marigold…”

“Do not lump them together.” Villanelle warns fondly, taking a few steps away from the car and Eve. “Marigold is in another league.”

“But can you fit a surfboard in it?” Eve asks smugly. 

“Do you even  _ surf _ ?”

Eve narrows her eyes. 

“Not the point!”

Villanelle just laughs as she walks backwards away from Eve. 

“I will call you, Eve.” She says loudly as she goes, lifting her hand in a small wave. “Sorry again, about the…”

“Beep beep?” Eve calls over the road to her. “You’re not sorry.”

“No, I’m not.” Villanelle grins. 

And then she turns and walks, disappearing between two cars. 

Eve takes a moment to check herself, then takes in a deep breath. 

“Fuck  _ yes _ !” 

A haughty sniff draws Eve’s giddy attention to the same old woman as before, now returning to her car near Eve’s. 

“Oh, piss off.” Eve tells her. “I’ve got a  _ date _ .”

She turns away from the woman and flings open her boot, loading it quickly with her shopping before slamming it and jumping into the driver’s seat. 

“Basil, don’t you ever do that again.” She murmurs as she takes the steering wheel. “You scared me. Even though it did lead to me meeting a total hottie.”

The car says nothing, because it is a car, and Eve sighs as she starts to reverse. Once out, she turns the car towards the exit road and-

_ BEEP _

“Shit, fuck-”

Eve’s heart leaps into her throat and she jerks her head to the side ready to curse whichever fucking  _ moron _ is trying to honk at her while-

Villanelle is driving past, cracking up at the wheel once more. 

When Eve gets home, her phone has a text. 

‘It was Marigold, I swear.’

**Author's Note:**

> I will not be taking any questions on how I’ve used the word ‘boot’ instead of ‘trunk’ at this time because I’m English so there.
> 
> Shout out to Cat’s ugly car! The surfboard line is a REAL THING SHE SAID TO DEFEND IT (lol idk why I’m being like this, I can’t even bloody drive)


End file.
